The Lilac Tree – Merle and Dean Wiley

When we started working together Merle was astutely concerned about what others would think. In the early stages of dementia, it wasn’t obvious who knew about Dean’s condition and who did not. A natural caretaker, Merle was cautious in what she shared, wanting to protect Dean from potential ridicule or stigmatized attitudes from their community.

Early in the project, Merle shared a story with us about a lilac tree that the couple had planted in their backyard, many years ago. The tree had grown to be well-established and lush. She looked forward to the springtime blooms and to the shade it provided in the heat of the summer. One day Merle returned home to find the tree gone. Dean had taken it upon himself to cut it down, assuming that Merle would be pleased with the change. The branches of the once towering lilac now sat cut and stacked in tidy piles in the front yard. The loss of the tree hit a nerve. Dean’s aggressive pruning was one piece of a larger series of confused behaviors. As Merle mourned the loss of the tree she also mourned for other things that were changing with the progression of Dean’s dementia.

The wood from the lilac tree contained vibrant rings of violet, interspersed with memories of a long marriage. Never one to sit idly by, Merle asked Dean to cut the wood into smaller pieces with his chop-saw. She got to work, turning thin slices into coasters with inspirational messages, business card holders for Dean’s former shop and pieces to hold photos of the former tree in full bloom. She then arranged the pieces into an altar of sorts, commemorating the lilac and the memories that surrounded it.

This story feels particularly apt in demonstrating the power of creative exploration for those navigating the symptoms of dementia. The open eyes of a creative mind turned a small tragedy into a work of art. The saga of the lilac tree shows the beauty of creative resilience that rises to the surface when caring for a loved one who is navigating the different stages of dementia.

Over the course of this project, Merle transformed from a hesitant participant into an outspoken advocate for people living with dementia and their families. As the project progressed, there was a noticeable softening of Merle’s concern for what others would think, as she evolved into a community leader and outspoken advocate for those living with dementia.

“…it’s important for both the person with alzheimers and their caregiver. It is reassuring that we are not alone on this journey.”

– Merle Wiley